1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
