you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
