Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
