It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Alive.
So much puke
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
