I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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