So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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