Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
