he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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