When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
