remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
