omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
