just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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