I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
