Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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