my mouth tastes like poor choices
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
