I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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