It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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