i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
