smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
