scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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