So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
