Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
