I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
