So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
