Say something about gay babies.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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