He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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