I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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