Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
