All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
