i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
