I hate all girls vehemently.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize