Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
