Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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