Don't make out with my wife yet
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
