You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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