youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
