Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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