Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
