I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
