Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
