Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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