Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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