ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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