Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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