and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
