we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
