Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
