I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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