I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
