you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
