Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
