I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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