Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
