Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
