I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
