I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
