there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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