it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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