When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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