Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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