Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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