I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
