Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
