There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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