no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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