Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
