My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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