i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
