Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize