Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
