I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
